Reunion Jones

(with apologies to Helen Fielding)

August 31 2001

Another boring weekend. All chums out of town, boyfriend useless. Decide to 'surf the net' and see what comes up. Find weird site, ... they help you track down old school mates. Why would anyone want to do that?

E-mails 6 (work) 2 (personal)

Cigs 2, alcohol units 2, calories 1245, early night at 9pm ... v. good.

October 15 2001

Raining!!! Boyfriend 'busy' with drinking cronies. V. bored. Have another look at that strange friendsreunited site. Doubt they will have my school there, but surprise!!!! Kent School featured, checked out message board and alumni site. V.scary. Recognise a few names. Post anonymous message on site. Get speedy reply with details of best school friends email address. Brilliant! Glass of champagne to celebrate. Log on at 6.15pm, e-mail to school chum. Spend 4½ hours sending and receiving mails from old school friends. Finish bottle of champagne. Open another. Make quick supper, back online. Log off 4.30am, exhausted but v.happy.

E-mails 96 (all personal, reunion)

Cigs 14, alcohol units 14, calories too many ... oh dear, v.bad.

December 6 2001

V. tired, have spent weeks online catching up with old school friends. Some madman has suggested a reunion. V.scary indeed. Starting health and beauty regime now. Diet, exercise, hair cut and coloured, tinted contact lenses, fake tan. Liposuction? Botox? Full face lift? Collagen lip implants? Must detox and have colonic irrigation treatment. Must remember manicure, pedicure and full body waxing. V. painful. Had contact from First Love at Kent School. mmmmm. Current boyfriend may well be ditched.

E-mails 5 (work) 6 (personal) 124 (personal, reunion)

Cigs 8, alcohol units 2, calories 1865 ... not too bad.

February 4 2002

Dumped boyfriend. V. pleased. Said okay to attending reunion.madness!!!! Secretly v. excited. Opened bottle of yummy Chardonnay to celebrate. Spent 4 hours online mailing all school friends to come to reunion. Finished Chardonnay, opened another bottle. Health and Beauty regime starts tomorrow. Bed at 2.30am. Bugger. Too drunk to take off make-up or apply anti-aging night cream. Bugger, bugger, bugger.

E-mails 9 (work) 1 (personal) 267 (personal, reunion)

Cigs 18, alcohol units 14, calories 1575 ... not bad.

March 24 2002

Work v.boring, tv crap, social life in doldrums. Thank goodness for Reunion! So exciting, can't believe Reunion nearly here!!! Hope to meet loadsa old chums and make some new ones. Have drink to celebrate. Online with reunion chums till 3.30am. Have another drink to celebrate. Must get liver in training.

E-mails 3 (work) 2 (personal) 876 (personal, reunion)

Cigs 23, alcohol units 18, calories 1875 ... increasing party tolerance.

April 11 2002

Reunion tomorrow!!!!!!! Packed and raring to go, can't wait! V.tense waiting to see how old school friends have turned out. Have packed 15 different outfits and 24 pairs shoes-never know who might be there. Also packed improving novel to read in bed before lights out, and yoga mat for relaxing exercise in mornings.

E-mails 5 (work) 8 (personal) 756 (personal, reunion)

Cigs 0, alcohol units 0, calories 1545, bed by 10.30 pm, v.v.good.

April 12 2002

We're here!!!!! Minehead Butlins v.sunny and lovely, got goody-bag and checked in. Meet 3 best chums from school at chalet. Loud squealing and girly behaviour. Open bottle of champagne to celebrate. Open another. And another. Stagger to 'meet and greet' at Bar Rosso. Brilliant! Everyone wearing Reunion T-shirts! We've taken over the bar. Meet up with loads of old friends, chat for hours. See First Love ... now balding and chubby, wonder if still good kisser? Head off to Jumpin' Jack's nightclub ... it all goes a bit hazy. Vaguely recall dancing on bar with handbag on head. 2am head back to chalet, but discover Chalet Bar is up and running. Stay for a few drinks. And a few more. First Love still good kisser. Leave at 4.30am as sun is coming up. Lost heel on shoes. Improving novel unread. Throat sore from chatting, singing and smoking too much.

Cigs 32, alcohol units 18, calories 2455 ... oh dear, better slow down?

April 13 2002

Hangover kicking in nicely by 9.30. 4½ hours sleep, sun shining too much . Get up and have 'death-on-a-plate' full cooked brekkie. Feel much better. Get ready for Karaoke, small vodka to settle stomach. Karaoke amazing! Hilarious Abba tribute band (did they practise? Don't think so ...), lottsa Kent people doing v. funny karaoke. Stuff face at buffet (starving! Blame last night's drinking). Laughed so hard at 'Ebony and Ivory' had to sit down for a while. Few more drinks, then back to chalet. Pass Chalet bar on way ... call in to say 'Hi' ... end up chilling out all afternoon, with yoga mat spread on grass whilst sun sinks slowly over horizon, drinking and chatting , mmmm. Need lie down before going out tonight. Improving novel still unread. Voice getting huskier by the minute. Have another vodka to celebrate.

April 13 2002 (pm)

Drunk. V.v.v.drunk. Bar Rosso for drinks, Burger King for dinner, back to Chalet Bar. Danced like a maniac. Drank like a fish. Smoked like it was gonna be made illegal. What a night. Drag back to chalet 5am-ish, after being thrown out of Chalet Bar by some bloke who wanted to go to bed. Wussy!!! Can't believe it's nearly over, looking forward to a quiet day and evening tomorrow. Improving novel now used as doorstop. Voice down to a whisper.

Cigs 48, alcohol units 24, calories - I don't want to think about it!

Will deffo take it easy on drinking/smoking/partying tomorrow?

April 14 2002

3½ hours sleep, huge brekkie and Bacardi at 10am - don't know whether to stop now or party on. Decide to party on. Have another Bacardi to celebrate. Go swimming , try black hole 'chute and Jacuzzi, hope to feel healthier after. Back at chalet, feel almost human, have yummy chilled beer to celebrate. Nothing planned till assembly this afternoon, so have another drink . School Assembly lottsa fun, awards, photos, certificates and amazing cake. Stagger back to chalet to prepare for quiet night, just a few drinks? Voice now gone, honking like a goose and resorting to sign language.

April 14 2002 (pm)

Really gone too far this time. Hit Chalet Bar 9pm-ish for 'a little drink' ... ended up partying all night long. Drank various cocktails, smoked like a chimney, danced feet off. Thrown out 5.30am when Butlins Security broke up party. Improving novel thrown at Butlins Security. Managed to evade irate Butlins Security by hiding in wheelie bin. Had another cocktail to celebrate.

Cigs 48, alcohol units lost count, calories no idea (but lots).

April 15 2002

3 hours sleep, woke up in wheelie bin snuggled up under yoga mat. V.v. bad hangover. Back to chalet. Pack in 25 mins flat, clear rest of chalet with small grenade. Have drink to celebrate. Say tearful goodbyes to old chums and new party mates. Lift to train station, find seat and collapse exhausted. Have drink to celebrate. Home in 3 hours, fall asleep on train and wake with dried dribble crusting chin and cheek. Smell of fags, booze and hard-core partying.

Cigs too many to count, alcohol units same, calories who cares?

Can't wait till next one. Health and Beauty regime starts tomorrow ...

Page last updated on: Fri, 31 May 2013 04:00